I remember it clearly- I was attending my college professor’s book reading at the local library, a successful man I had a great deal of respect for. I was excited, wondering if he would remember me from class, wondering what short story he would read and if I would recognize it. I remember glancing at those in attendance as he came to the podium, a collection of short stories in hand, waiting in anticipation. Was he nervous? Did he spend a lot of time selecting the passage he was about to read? I imagined myself in his place, thinking of the how I would obsessively pour over the part of my book to pick the passage that was sure to grab my readers’ attention.
I sat… waited, listened as my professor opened his mouth and began to read a sex scene.
At first I couldn’t believe it. I glanced around discreetly, looking to see if the others in attendance were uncomfortable. If they were they didn’t show it, and after a few minutes the quality of his prose erased any lingering embarrassment on my part.
I’ve thought about that experience many times and am always impressed by my professor’s courage, knowing I could never start a reading off that way because I find love scenes to be THE most challenging to write. But why is this? I know others struggle, if blog posts and tweets are to be trusted. For myself, I know writing about my character’s most intimate moments almost feels like an invasion of privacy- as though I’m snooping through their underwear drawer and reporting my findings to the local newspaper. And even though I have every right, as the author, to write about the experiences of my characters, I still feel a certain taboo when traversing this territory.
When I started writing my upcoming novel I delayed the inevitable for as long as I possibly could, skipping around until I could no longer avoid IT. When the time came to finally add my love scene, I decided to email my aforementioned professor. He was, after all, the man who had stood before a roomful of strangers and aired his dirty laundry, so to speak- and all without a hint of self-consciousness.
I asked him how to write an effective love scene, when it should be written, and how to interpret the parameters of your target audience, thinking I should break my question into various parts so he could answer effectively. I almost laughed at his simplistic response- ‘I don’t really think about it.’
He didn’t think about it? I was dumbfounded.
He expounded by telling me to add whatever the storyline called for. If that happened to be a sex scene, then so be it.
Simple.
I was overthinking things.
And still his answer left me with questions. Do women find love scenes more difficult to write than men? Do writers (like myself) imagine all the elderly and slightly prudish relatives who will be reading their work, shaking their heads and wondering where the ‘sweet little girl they once knew’ had gone? Or would they look at me with a glimmer in their eyes, thinking they had finally gotten a glimpse at that underwear drawer.
Either way, writing love scenes with particular readers in mind can be a very uncomfortable experience. But stories call for them just as much as the heartwarming resolutions that tie up loose ends. As writers we can’t shy away from creating scenes we’re intimidated by. If the storyline calls for something, we need to honor the art and deliver the goods, even if Great Aunt Betsy in Indiana has a coronary when she reads it.
So I take my professor’s advice and ‘keep it simple’ because being a writer means that we, as artists, observe what is going on around us and transfer it in a meaningful way to the page. Or the computer screen. Or the hearts of our readers.
Not that we don’t blush when we know our mothers are reading ‘that’ scene- we just realize it’s part of the gig we’ve chosen to pursue. We write about life, and heartache and blood and gore and sex are sometimes a part of the package.
Which must have been the subconscious thought that gave my professor courage as he stood up to deliver his reading.
Don’t overthink things. And be fearless. Because the story you’re telling will be the better for it.