So I have almost perfect recollection of my dreams. And I dream almost exclusively about food. Sounds fancy, hmmm? Well, no, it sucks.
When I dream, I NEVER get the food. NEVER. ME. FOOD. NEVER. That vanilla cake covered in strawberry frosting that Idris Elba is about to slice for me? My cat slaps me awake. Those bacon cheeseburgers, the last on earth due to a vampire apocalypse? Car alarm goes off. After I wake up, then I am saddled with an intense craving for the food in real life. I will keep dreaming about it (not the same dream, thankfully) until I eat that food for real. Did you know my subconscious can come up with 3 weeks worth of different ways to dream about chocolate eclairs???
One of my most memorable dreams was about sour gummy worms. It was so damn ridiculous, and seriously awesome, that one of my comic artist friends (Jim Kersey) immortalized it in a sketch. Admittedly, it's Deadpool instead of me, but I asked him to change it, and hey, it COULD be me behind that mask.
In this dream, my mother is trying to set me up again. Somehow, she has convinced a horde of Kim Jong Un lookalikes to 'court' me. By court, she means a mob of Kim Jong Uns to chase me through the city, screaming about how they love me and how only they can make me happy. Did I mention that, for some reason, they are all in drag? That Kim has got quite the set of legs on him that he's hiding! So this Kim Jong Un dressed like Jessica Rabbit almost nabs me, but then my pet velociraptor jumps out of a bush and starts roaring. This stops the mob temporarily, and before they can recover their senses, I jump on the saddle on my velociraptor's back, and he and the rest of his pack lead me underground. There, we enter the fabled underground garden of the sour gummy worms. These raptors only eat gummies, and we celebrate my escape from the Kim Jong Un horde. Then, as I pick the most ripe, plump, juiciest, and most sour sugar covered succulent gummy worms that promise exquisite delight beyond that which any earthly gummy dreams of, my cat dumps a toy mouse on my head and I wake up.