People keep some weird animals as pets. Turtles don't cuddle, but they can give you salmonella. Guinea pigs aren't terribly bright, and while they are cute, they make that noise (wheeet, wheeet, wheeet). We're so desperate for small, friendly pets that we keep fish and pretend that they give a damn about our existence one way or the other. But if you really have the time, patience, and budget for a small pet, I would like to propose a less common solution: Rats.
Right now, a few of you are excited because you've already met domestic rats, most of you are immediately biased against, and a few of you are going "But their tails are soooo grooooss."
Some of you think a rat is this.
But that's because you haven't met this one.
Domestic rats, or fancy rats, have been bred as pets for many generations (rat generations go fast). There are as many color and coat varieties as you can think of, and also both "top ear" and "dumbo" rats. Rats have never been far from humans, and domesticating them was a pretty natural next step. Our relationship could even loosely be considered symbiotic, since they live on the fringes of our civilizations and we've used them for testing in medical breakthroughs that save lives. Next time you get a flu shot, remember to thank both a scientist and a rat. Humans are even training bomb-sniffing rats, which I think demonstrates the intelligence of both species.
When you adopt a young rat and take the time to train and handle them, much like you would a puppy, you'll end up with a small, fuzzy, intelligent animal who bonds with you. They don't bite except as a last resort to say "Stop, you're hurting me." They groom themselves constantly and prefer to live in a clean environment. They don't have much of a smell (especially if you have females). Yes, they chew stuff more than a dog or a parrot, but if you give them some edible dog bones, they're happy. They're also big fans of yogurt treats.
Yes, I'll take them all, please.
Each rat has their own personality, but many are cuddlers, wheel-runners, and goofballs, and I've never met one that wasn't intensely curious. If you make a treat hard to get, they'll find a way. If you've got a shiny necklace, they want to play with it. They also tend to steal and stash things, so if you've got a free-range rat, be prepared to wonder where all your pen caps and post-it notes went.
Rats have their own unique set of common health issues, but most of them are no big deal. The entire population carries myco, bacteria that sometimes makes them a little wheezy but is otherwise pretty benign. A very stressed or sick rat may present with mites, but that's easily remedied with Ivermectin, just like in horses (in a much smaller dose, of course). The biggest worry is usually the development of tumors, especially in female rats. Careful breeders are working to reduce the occurrence of these growths in the population, but many rats do still get lumps at some point in their lives. Most can be removed by a vet. A pet store will tell you that the average life span for a rat is two years, which to us seems short and losing them is hard, but pet rats can live four years or longer with decent care, especially if they come from a reputable breeder.
If you're going to get a rat, I recommend getting two, since they're very social and will keep each other company. If you can get siblings, they're almost guaranteed to get along. You'll need a good-sized cage, a balanced base diet, occasional fresh fruit or veggies, bedding, and some toys. I also
recommend these edible fake log things.
Adopting an adult rat, like any other animal, can be more challenging. I ended up with three rescues, all albino girls around the same age, who had no training and were very cautious of humans. So far, they know that the 'tsk' noise means 'stop that,' and they run to the cage door to greet me because I may have melon or carrots. If that's as far as we get, I'm still happy. I've been able to give them a better life than they would have had otherwise, with a giant cage and lots of snacks. I even freeze bits of fruit into ice cubes for them to gnaw on hot days. Life is good.
Next time you're thinking of getting a pet, keep rats in mind.